Your father accuses you of stealing his wallet. You know you didn't take it, you've spent the morning looking for it on his behalf. But the accusation stings anyway, and something in you wants to defend yourself, to prove you're not the villain he's making you out to be in this moment.
What's actually happening
Anger and accusations are common as dementia progresses, and they're almost never really about you. When someone can't find something, can't remember a conversation, or feels a loss of control they can't name, blame is often the easiest place for that fear to land. You're simply the person who's there. The accusation is a symptom of confusion and fear, not a verdict on your character.
The alternative: protect the relationship, not your reputation
Defending yourself, explaining, proving your innocence, treats this like a dispute that facts can resolve. It rarely works, and it often escalates the moment, because you're now arguing with someone who can't hold onto the thread of the argument long enough to be persuaded by it.
Instead, try meeting the emotion under the accusation: "That sounds really frustrating, let's look for it together." You're not admitting guilt. You're setting the argument aside and joining him in solving the actual problem, being unable to find something he needs.
A few things that help
Don't take the bait to defend yourself. The urge to prove you didn't do it is strong, but engaging with the accusation on its own terms usually deepens it rather than resolving it.
Step away if you need to. If you feel your own temper rising, it's okay to take a breath in another room for a moment before responding. Staying steady starts with staying regulated yourself.
Remember who you're really angry at. It's not him. It's the disease, and the exhausting unfairness of losing a parent slowly while he's still in the room.
This is really what we mean by Steady: the third of the four skills in the Steadier Ground Method, the practice of staying regulated yourself so you can meet hard moments without adding your own frustration to theirs. Section 6 of the free guide, your role as a caregiver, goes deeper into managing the emotional weight of this work over the long term.
When you're accused of something you didn't do
Read more on protecting your own wellbeing as a caregiver in the free guide, including how to recognize burnout early and why forgiving yourself matters as much as patience with him.
This is one piece of the full guide, "Diagnosed With Dementia: Now What?" Section 6 covers your role as a caregiver in full.